I am weak. I always have been. I detest my inner desires more often than not, and now more than ever I have wished for the simplest things in life.
I imagined myself sitting on the floor of a small apartment looking over household finances with a husband laughing nearby.
I saw myself in the kitchen doing the dishes, as I normally do, with that same husband.
And for this I hate myself. I don't want to want these simplicities in life. I want to be more and yet…perhaps I imagine these things out of loneliness.
Or maybe I dream out of insanity.
I want my books, my literature, and my words, and I want companionship. Yet as a person who thrives on independence I can't help but wonder if this wish would be inhibiting all that the world has to offer.
Maybe I shall leave the country and travel to some foreign land where no one shall know me, and I can be that lost foreigner whom the country will forgive, for not understanding their ways. The lost foreigner is never faulted for their ignorance or wants.
The artist is. The artist is always faulted for needing civility and companionship. Society expects the artist to be artistic, never needing the mundane things of everyday life.
But in fact, the artist needs the mundane more than the average person in society. Why? Because the artist has ventured so far away from the norm that when they have breached the walls of constrictions, they find that they are often alone.
I want genius. I want life. I want the words to flow out from me into art.
But I don't want to live this alone.
I want my someone to watch me from society and to be there when I reach genius.
I want to do the dishes.
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